Six Months.

Today my baby turned six months old! What! How? When? *smile/tear*

Ayaan is now sitting without support, reaching for things he wants, making his feelings very known, a tooth is possibly emerging and he is ready to start crawling. So many changes in such a short period of time – moments that I never want to forget – moments I wish I could live in for a little longer. It is still surreal that he is here and he is ours.

I am in awe of how I have evolved emotionally and physically in so many incredible ways, accommodating all the different stages of Ayaan – from when he was just the size of a poppy seed to a beautiful six-month old baby. I feel so incredibly blessed and worthy of raising this little man. Slow down baby I am not ready for you to grow up so fast. 

I have learnt a lot about respect, compassion, community, personal autonomy, love and strength since I had Ayaan. There were a lot of things I took for granted before I became a mother. I realised I wasn’t as considerate of others as I thought I was and have become more aware and strive to do better so Ayaan can learn by example. Motherhood has taught me humility and confidence and in a perfect balance. I have more respect for myself and my energy and have become extremely cautious about who I share it with. I no longer tolerate those that diminish it and appreciate those that elevate it. 

Six months also marks the end of our exclusive breastfeeding journey. It started with so many obstacles I wasn’t sure I would make it. So today was quite the achievement for us. Our goal of breastfeeding for 2 years now seems more achievable than it did before and that makes me very very happy. Ayaan will have his first meal tomorrow and I am feeling incredibly emotional about it. I will get through it though, like everything else so far, with the help of my husband and as a team. 

Each new phase, each new day is so unpredictable. I don’t feel any more ready than I did when Ayaan was born. I am accepting that I will probably never be able to control how our days go but I am learning to embrace the chaos and enjoy this remarkable rollercoaster of emotions as we continue to grow and learn from each other. My now very selective support system fuels me to continue doing the best I can for Ayaan and know that it is enough. I am enough. Ayaan is such a happy and healthy baby and the way his face lights up when he sees me is the only validation I need.